Ohio State Troll Job


Sep 14, 2013; Berkeley, CA, USA; Ohio State Buckeyes quarterback Kenny Guiton (13) looks to pass the ball against the California Golden Bears in the third quarter at Memorial Stadium. The Buckeyes defeated the Golden Bears 52-34. Mandatory Credit: Cary Edmondson-USA TODAY Sports

I learned a lot this weekend.

I learned that the reason Absolut and Skyy vodka are on the bottom shelf is because they taste like rubbing alcohol or the kind of vodka that has a big blue label on it that only says “VODKA” on it and is only sold at corner stores. I learned not to ever buy shots of either ever again. I learned that Cal, while not anywhere close to where they need to be in order to compete for Pac-12 championships, are still a team worth watching. I learned Cal has a lot of fight in them. I learned that the Big Ten plays a style of football that is obsolete, especially when facing a brand of football that’s played out west and down south.

The thing I learned this weekend that has gotten me in some trouble this week, especially with the trolls, has been that sometimes a team with a lot of hype around it, specifically one with national title hopes, sometimes doesn’t deserve the hype.

I got a lot of flack for writing that Ohio State was outplayed by Cal during various points of the Cal/Ohio State game.

I should probably drop the subject, especially since Ohio State is on to their next game and (according to every Ohio State fan I’ve spoken to) the inevitable national championship. I mean, they are The Chosen Ones. They will smite all those in front of them but good. But I can’t help but feed the trolls, because Cal doesn’t play this weekend, and I have nothing to do other than a few more shots of from this bottle that just says, “VODKA.”

Ohio State wasn’t impressive. In fact, I was underwhelmed by their performance. I stand by that. And I don’t care if this makes all the Ohio State fans come to the conclusion that I am some horrible writer who knows nothing in regards to the sport of football.

I may be delusional in the eyes of Buckeye fans, but they also agree with Philly Brown’s absurd comments in reference to California. Maybe he’s right. As we all know, everyone flocks to see Cleveland when they get vacation time. EVERYONE LOVES OHIO!

Cal has a young team that was without a good amount of its starters on the defensive side of the ball. Cal also starts a true freshman at quarterback. The best team in the Big Ten should have destroyed Cal. Instead, after a valiant effort by Cal, the game was close at the half and really was won because Cal made mistakes.

The idea that because Kenny Guiton was starting in just his second game, therefore his performance was great, is malarky. HE IS A FIFTH-YEAR SENIOR WHO PLAYS FOR OHIO STATE. His four touchdowns were impressive. But, against a team playing guys out of position and substituting upperclassmen for guys who should be redshirting this year, four touchdowns is underachieving. Sorry, I’m not sorry.

The game was still in doubt in the second quarter. I don’t care what Buckeye fans have to say about it. The game could have been over after the first six minutes, but Cal woke up and made it a game.

Some commenter was pretty mad that I wrote that Goff was the better quarterback on Saturday. I stand by it. When a true freshman torches a highly-touted, experienced secondary for 371 yards and three touchdowns while only turning the ball over twice, that looks bad. HE’S ONLY IN HIS THIRD GAME. And that statement isn’t a farce, it’s a fact. The idea that a fifth-year senior should get away with doing most of his damage in the first six minutes and then looking mortal the rest of the way is trollish. Even better is saying that Guiton should be seen as equal to Goff even though he has FOUR MORE YEARS of coaching and FOUR MORE YEARS on an NCAA roster.

The best thing, however, is to argue that the game was never in doubt. I guess the 10-point lead after the first quarter and the 11-point lead at the half were such large deficits. I mean, then again OMG ITS THE BUCKEYES, NO ONE CAN EVER OUTPLAY THEM!

When it comes down to it, Ohio State has looked mortal this year. It wasn’t just the Cal game, but the the Buffalo game as well. The score was 30-20 mid way through the third. But I’m sure Buckeye fans believe that deficit was too large for the Bulls to catch up. Both games were lost because Ohio State had more experience and better depth. But at the end of the day, if Ohio State was as good as people would have you believe, these games should have been over at half, not within a score or two.

I love Big Ten football. But it’s a defunct product. I think that had Cal had its full squad available, the game doesn’t end with an 18-point difference – it ends with Cal losing by a few points or winning by a few points. I also believe that had Cal been UCLA or even Arizona State, the game is a win. Ohio State fans may not want to hear it, but they’re living with a defunct product that may be good enough to beat up on teams like Wisconsin or Michigan, but won’t have a chance against a speedy team from the SEC or Pac-12 should they see them in the future.

Cal, with a freshman quarterback, a depleated defense, a new coach and down 21 after a six minutes of play, were able to make it a game, at least for a half. To say this isn’t true is delusional and makes me cackle so much that it hurts. I know that the Buckeye fans are a proud fan base, and I love that. I also know they don’t like too much criticism. They have to face reality soon enough.

I have no problem naming the problems Cal has. They have no defense and are one-dementional because the offensive line is still trying to make adjustments. The team probably wont be better than 6-6, although an under .500 record is more likely. There. Honesty. See, it isn’t that hard.

Ohio State, even with “athletes” and with a coach who runs a “fast offense”, still looked slow in comparison to Cal. I stand by that. Be mad if you want. But, Ohio State got torched by a freshman quarterback who didn’t have the running backs to keep the gameplan balanced and didnt have a good night out of the offensive line. Facts.

If you’re still mad, still think I don’t know anything, fine. Keep commenting and saying I know nothing. I care not. I could be wrong, and Ohio State (or some other Big Ten team) may be holding the championship in January, but I seriously doubt it. In fact, I see the Big Ten having yet another losing bowl season, and I think it’s possible Ohio State helps to continue that losing tradition.

I bid you farewell and leave you with this gem